16 Years Ago today

I've posted this over on OT before, but I thought I'd post it here:

January 19, 1993 -- George Bush is leaving the White House and a young Democrat is moving in.

I had just finished my student teaching, and was officially on the eligibility list for subbing in the Paramount school district. It had been my intention to teach Elementary, so I had trained in a 4th grade gifited class and a kindergarten (there are more stories there -- perhaps another day).

About 5:30 am I get the call -- but the assignment is for the middle school. Naturally, I'm not going to turn down my first gig, so off I go.

The assignment is for a 7th grade Health class. I get to the classroom, and there on the teacher's desk is the day's task.

"Have the students read this worksheet and answer the questions."


The Female Reproductive System


Yikes.

I have about 20 minutes to gird my loins (sorry) for this 'discussion'. All the girlie naughty bits out on display -- plus the impossibly complex inner works.

As I said; Yikes.

I manage to scribble my name on the board, and as first period starts, I'm still in a state of shock.

My commentary for the first three periods can be summed up by quoting Ralph Kramden -- "Hummina hummina hummina".

During the nutrition break, a teacher from next door pops his head in -- welcoming and checking on the newbie. He tells me about a student I'll be seeing in fifth period (right after lunch) "You can't miss him" he says, "he's got bright red hair. He'll try something, I'm sure."

OK, fine. Just what I need. Fallopian tubes, vaginas, menstrual cycles, and a smart-ass seventh grader.

By now, thanks to repetition, I can at least read some of the information and 'explain' some of the simpler processes involved. I brace myself for 'Red'.

The class comes in, and 'Red' takes his seat, center row. We read through the material, and things are fairly calm. When we get to the part of how the baby has to pass through something that's normally the width of a drinking straw, 'Red' raises his had. "Does it hurt?" he asks. Now, the first thing that came to my mind was my mother telling that it's like "sh!tting a watermellon." Of course, that particular metaphor would not be appropriate, so I tell him "I've never had it happen to me, but you should ask your mother."

"No way!" he yells, "she already says that I'm a pain in the ass!"

I survived that first day, went on to teach Elementary for another 2 1/2 years, then moved on to middle school. I'll be teaching human reproduction (for the first time) sometime early in the Spring semester -- I've got my own version of 'Red' (not the hair, though), so maybe I'll bless some other sub...